December Decisions with Barry Blue

How many good-looking titmice do you know are scientists specializing in the field of decision theory? Why, Barry Blue could be a model, an actor or a soap opera heart-throb. But no, his brain is full of possibilities and practicalities. So it is with great pleasure to to interview a serious bird at the last month of this year to see how he feels about life and his take on making good choices.

Louise: Before I met you in the parking lot of the Stop 'N Shop, I never heard of decision theory. You were standing in a handicap space staring at the store when all of a sudden, a car without a handicap parking sign swooped in and almost flattened you.

Barry Blue: I guess that wasn't one of my better decisions. I had made an observation that most handicap spaces remain empty and therefore, it would probably be a safe place to stand to consider which route to find entrance into the store. Should I go in through a small open portal in the roof or fly in when a patron walked through the automatic doors? I was counting the timing mechanism when that blasted miscreant almost knocked me down. Thank you for coming to my aid. I was quite shaken up and you were very helpful in calming me down.

L: Glad to help. And, the incident gave me a chance to chat with you. I was intrigued about your field of study when you explained to me what you were doing. Also, I thought you were a very handsome bird.

BB: Thank you. But, you know, I'm much more interested in how beings act rather than what they look like.

L: You explained to me that you take great consideration before making any decision (including the bad one of standing in a parking space, handicap or not) and that you were a specialist in the field of decision theory, Doesn't that get exhausting? Yes its a good thing to think before you act, but don't you carry that a bit too far?

BB: No. That's just my nature. Or is it? I think it is. I'm sticking with no.

L: Why were you contemplating about going into a store anyway?

BB: Well, to shop, of course.

L: But why can't you just peck about among trees and soil for tasty grubs and berries and seeds?

BB: My mother always shopped in supermarkets. But that's something to consider. I'll have to give it some thought. I would imagine it would be much easier, less dangerous and much less expensive, though I've never paid for anything in a supermarket before..

L: Isn't that just stealing? Is that not like the driver of the vehicle that unlawfully parked in the handicap spot?

BB: But, I'm a bird. We don't have pockets with which to carry money or credit cards. Anyway, if I had a credit card, which one would I use? There are so many to choose from. I like the airline points I could get from Capital One, but I already fly as I am a bird. Maybe a Discover Card? I like that they are orange and silver and blue, my favorite colors. And there are so many more to consider.

L: You seem to easily go off into tangents.

BB: Do I? Well tangents are just another way of considering all the odds and facets of decision making. I talk about it in my new book "Decision Theory for the Bird Brain".

L: Sounds like a best seller.

BB: You think so? Oh, I hope so. Maybe this interview will help make sales of the book even better. Then again, maybe they won't. I can't decide.

L: Okay, well, it was fun. Maybe I'll see you again. I've gotta go. Don't stand in any parking spaces in the future.

BB: I'll be more circumspect. And thanks for your interest in me and my work.

I got away as soon as was polite. To tell the truth, Barry Blue wasn't as fascinating as I first expected. I guess I was just blinded by his beauty.